Daycare

Tomorrow morning. I've been dreading it. Maybe it's not so bad.... Here's the bright side.

--The daycare is only a few blocks away. She has been doing daycare for thirty some years. Lilly will be the only baby there three days a week. I think there will be about five kids there for most of the day. That's better than a room full of babies. The center I visited had 1 woman taking care of four babies. That's the usual standard. That just seems wrong.

--Lilly will get to be around other kids. I think she'll learn lots fromt the older kids.

--I had five months with her and she's much more able to entertain herself now than at six weeks when many moms have to go back to work.

--Lilly now drinks from a bottle without screaming. Hopefully this will continue.

--I hate to admit it, but ther is a part of me that misses my job. It's challenging and rewarding. My little "sweethearts" who aren't "sweethearts" all the time will be happy to see me. I haven't taught since March. A change of pace might be nice. I'm not pregnant so I'll be kid wresteling this year--this will add a little spice to my life. It'll also be nice to see my teacher friends again.

--Beata gave me a brownie left-over from tonight's supper so if I'm really crying on the way to work tomorrow, I can just shove that in my face. OK, now I'm stretching.

Everyone can tell me "she'll be fine." "You've had so much time off" Or from Al, "I'm sure she knows how to babysit kids." Dads don't get it but anyone who has ever had to drop their baby off at daycare knows what I'm going through. I hope the positives I listed above will somehow start to make up for how much I'm going to miss Lilly, the guilt I'll feel, my increased lack of sleep, and working/pumping while dealing with migraines. I'm sure she will be fine and I'll be fine after a while, I just wish I could rewind back to May and do it all over again. Mama will miss you Lilly.